Uncharted Territory

This is all so new to me. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. Part of my reason for putting a block on my blog was so that I could actually get some of this out and stop torturing my roommates and poor mother with all my random thoughts. :-)

I have gone on two dates, two weekends in a row with a guy I like. I haven't ever really been out with a guy whom I'm interested in. This is a real man, not a immature boy. That sounds funny, but it is so true! I'm in the major leagues now! Haha.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but I'm a girl so naturally my mind wonders to the future. I keep thinking about what is going to happen with us. Do I want to date him? What happens when he graduates in April? Is he the kind of guy I would want to marry? I know that's intense, but isn't the purpose of dating to find the person you want to marry? I'm not saying I'm ready, or that we are headed that way, but it just makes me think. It is so hard for me to imagine letting someone new into my life. I'm used to it just being me. I'm used to being independent and single. Since it is all new to me I'm just not sure how to go about it all. Also I feel SUPER awkward about the dating thing. We've hugged and have lots of physical contact when we are around each other. I'm just not sure about whatever is coming next. I feel so young and simple and unexperienced.

Something else that is strange for me is that I see him ALL THE TIME. He is in my dinner group, my FHE group, and we've started going to institute together. I want to talk to him at all those things, but also I'm not going to throw myself at him infront of everyone. I hate coming home from dates and being in the fishbowl. Hugging in the fishbowl is one thing, but heaven help me if I'm going to do anything else in the fishbowl with dozens of windows watching. I hate the idea that everyone knows, I know I shouldn't worry about it, but I just don't like other poeple knowing my business.

He is such a sweet guy. Really I've never meet a nicer one. He told my roommate today that I was an angel. That is certainly an exaggeration, but he is just so nice and good. I love how comfortable we are around each other. I certainly feel comfortable around him, and based on things he's said he feels comfortable as well. He said some really cute things last night!! First of all he looked great! He was wearing new jeans and shirt that he had gotten when he went shopping with his mom and sister at Christmas. :-) We were talking about how it may snow and how I didn't really like driving in the snow and he just said that if I ever got stuck or anything that I could give him a call. I know it's dumb, but it's just nice to think that someone cares. Then while we were walking to bowling he said something about how he had been thinking about it and wondered why I picked business as my major. I thought it was really cute that he was thinking about me. :-) I just like being around him, but I hate this semi-awkward we don't know where this is going thing we've got going right now.

So if that wasn't enough to keep my mind occupied, there is this guy in my classes named Chris. He is.....something. He is VERY forward and comes on very strong. In the first days of classes he was trying to get me to tell him what I thought of all the guys in our class. He is the kind of guys who is really quick witted and easily twists things you say around. He asked for my number early this semseter and when I gave it to him, he asked if he could use it for personal and academic use. He is very smooth and I don't know if it is a good thing.

We had a class party last Thursday night and in class he asked if I wanted to carpool then said he'd pick me up. So he came and picked me up. The car ride was fine, but when we got to my professors house, he said to another one of our class member who was walking in, "Aaron, this is my girlfriend." I just about fell over. I know he was joking but goodness!

When I got home after the party I got to thinking about how I had just been completely alone with a guy I barely even know. I got in the car with him and had nothing but my cell phone. What if he was a creepo? I didn't know exactly where the party was, so I just trusted him to take us there. He could have been driving me up in the mountains to kill me. I know I'm just being paranoid, but it just kind of freaked me out to think about how vunerable I had allowed myself to be. I always considered myself pretty smart, atleast smart enough not to put myself in dangerous situations. I just remember before I came to school my dad made me read this story from the Ensign called A Hole In Her Soul about this girl who was a victim of date-rape then took a major downward spiral. The story tells of all the horrid things her family and her had to deal with and the deep emotional scars it left. After riding with Chris I felt like I had been so very stupid. I didn't do anything wrong, but I felt uncomfortable with how things had gone that night. I'm still not sure what to do with all those thoughts, I guess they are just a good reminder to keep aware of what's going on around me.

Onto something lighter in subject.....Friday in class We were both on our laptops, not paying attention to the professor and we started facebook chatting, the first thing he said was something like "I like watching your fingers type, that's hot, don't stop". I was DYING trying not to laugh. It was funny, but kind of strange/uncomfortable. Then after class he asked what I was doing and I said I had to meet with my group, he said he had to as well, but after that did I want to leave together and go out to dinner. I had a ward activity so I couldn't, but I just thought it was a bit intense. I'm still not sure what to do with him. I guess we'll see how it plays out this next week.

Well I think that sums up most of my recent trips into uncharted territory. I guess that the exciting thing about life is that it keeps you guessing. :-)